So you want to be a Senator?

The U.S. Senate has been in the news and not for good reasons. The presidential election and subsequent Obama cabinet appointments have set off struggles to replace Senators in two major states: Illinois and New York. It is no secret that both of these states have previously produced Presidents and that U.S. Senators like to think of themselves as Presidents in waiting. Thus, either of these seats is a real plum.
First, Illinois: I had to take a break from typing to laugh whenever I think about this. The good Governor of Illinois, according to the feds, allegedly was not satisfied with merely finding a suitable replacement for Barack Obama. No, he felt he had a valuable commodity (and let's face it, with the stock market the way it has been, a Senate seat may be a good investment). Allegedly, according to the feds, the gratitude of the President of the United States wasn't going to cut it (would a couple of nights in the Lincoln bedroom have sealed the deal?). The charges further allege that the the Governor was more interested in a new job for himself or his wife.
(Because I have tried to talk about both baseball and politics on this blog, I am always delighted when there is an overlap and, according to the feds, the Governor threatened to stymie the sale of Wrigley Field unless the Tribune Company fired some unfriendly editors and writers. Thank you Governor for tying together the posts on this blog.)
There are allegations of negotiations with at least one potential candidate. The Governor also, allegedly, is heard using language we wouldn't permit in the Illinois schools.
The best part is, he remains in office with the power to appoint the next Senator. By the time you read this he might have done it. I have to think however, that the job would be a little less of a plum. On the other hand, the price has probably gone down.
In New York it is dynasty vs. dynasty. Rumor has it that Caroline Kennedy is interested in the seat. On the other side is Andrew Cuomo, son of the former Governor and a former Clinton Cabinet member. Although I am sure Caroline Kennedy is an intelligent lady and would be dedicated to serving the public, the rational for appointing her seems to be some little known Constitutional requirement that the U.S. Senate always have a Kennedy. Cuomo might have technically fulfilled that requirement, but his divorce from Robert Kennedy's daughter trimmed him off of the family tree. Apparently the Kennedy-Cuomo divorce decree did not specify which side of the family had the rights to any open U.S. Senate seats.
And of course, making the selection is the Governor of New York who took office when the former Governor resigned due to a scandal. My head is starting to hurt...
With great humility therefore, I offer both Governors my recommendations for the U.S. Senate.
For Illinois: Oprah. She is from the state, good on television and known to the public. She has helped the auto industry ("you get a car! you get a car!) and I would love hearing her scream on the Senate floor: "You get a bailout, you get a bailout...".
For New York: Alex Rodriguez. Let's face it, Madonna on the Washington cocktail party circuit would be a kick. Also, Senate business might keep him occupied in October so no more playoff meltdowns. He certainly knows how to handle big money.
Oprah and A-Rod in the U.S. Senate. That's a seat worth paying for.